When Larry sings a song, the song is eternally his...|
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|Saturday, November 1st, 2003|
|Thursday, October 30th, 2003|
|Leper outcast unclean!!!!
Man, do I feel crappy. Kelly's been sick for over a week now, and I've finally got it. Luckily, I have over a month of leave, so I just said "Fuck it!" and took the rest of the week off. The illness isn't worth the time off work, though. Damn that Kelly. She did this to me!!!
Oh, and last night's South Park was the funniest damn thing I've seen in ages. Cartman founded a Christian rock band.
Kyle: You don't know anything about Christianity, Cartman!"
Cartman: "I know enough to exploit it..."
I hope they actually release an album of those songs. I'd totally buy it.
"I wanna get down on my knees and start feeling Jesus.
I wanna feel his salvation all over my face..."
|Thursday, October 2nd, 2003|
|Friday, September 19th, 2003|
|Thursday, September 18th, 2003|
|Friday, September 12th, 2003|
|Thursday, September 11th, 2003|
|The downside of democracy...
...is that you don't have to have a brain to vote. From an interview between a reporter and some dumb woman (as seen on the Daily Show):
(paraphrased like mad)
Reporter: Who are you going to vote for?
Dumb Woman: I dunno. I'm gonna vote Republican.
Reporter: Who specifically?
Dumb Woman: I'm leaning toward Bustamante.
Reporter: He's a Democrat.
Too bad the reporter didn't ask for her opinion of the link between Iraq and the terrorists. "Oh, yeah! The terrorists are on the run! Wasn't Osama in Baghdad?"
|Monday, August 4th, 2003|
This is why I love sites like X-Entertainment- they come up with lists like this!http://www.ugo.com/channels/filmtv/features/eleven/80stoonvillains/default.asp
I suppose the reason I'm so thrilled about this is because it actually mentions the Wheeled Warriors! AND the Inhumanoids! Sometimes, it seems like I'm the only one who remembers those damn shows... "Deeeee... commmmm... poooosssseeee..."
And there's another list that mentions Turbo Teen! They're as nerdy as I am!
|Sunday, July 27th, 2003|
|A few other exciting things...
Last Friday, Kelly and I went to Blockbuster, and as I was looking at some movies, these two little girls walked by me. One says to the other, "Now, first we're looking for this REALLY OLD movie. It's called 'Pretty In Pink'." Ohhhh... THAT hurt. You KNOW you're old when movies that came out when you were in 8th grade are "REALLY OLD". *sigh*
But that's not all! As we left Blockbuster in search of a Safeway, we approached this used car lot. Ahead of us, I see this SUV jump the barrier between the lot and the road and plow RIGHT into a few trucks. It was awesome! Luckily, I saw it in time to alert Kelly, so we were able to take another road. And I BET YOU MONEY that the driver was talking on a fucking cell phone.
That's all the excitement in my life for now.
|Sanitarium... just leave me alone!!!!
Let's see... last Friday, Kelly and I went to the Summer Sanitarium concert, which kicked all kinds of ass. It wasn't a PERFECT experience, though... First off, once we FINALLY got there, after getting turned around a few times thanks to the confusing street layout, we parked out in the boonies, packed up our meager belongings in Kelly's small bag, and went off to the concert. However, we were told (after a ten minute walk in nasty-ass heat) that her bag was just TOO BIG, and we couldn't bring it in. "But it's almost empty!" "Sorry, it has to be X size without being 'smooshed'." So, we walk allll the way back, grab what few things we couldn't live without, and hand carried the fuckers in. We did let some other people know about the 'sensible' policy on our way back, though, so it wasn't a total loss. Oh, and the same scalper offered us tickets three times. That's a dedicated salesman.
Our seats pretty much kicked ass. Right in the lower-middle of the seating, across from the stage. And, they were right next to the aisle, which was kinda cool. Although it would become annoying later, as people would not stay in their fucking seats! Breaks, sure, I can understand wanting to get up, but when the bands are playing? Jesus, people, wear some Depends or something.
The first band up was Mudvayne, and neither Kelly or I know any of their songs. This was ok, though, as right before they were set to play, the thunderstorm from hell began, and we got our asses inside. We could still see and hear them from inside, and it didn't seem like we were missing anything. "RAAAAR rarrrr RARRR YAAAAAAA!" "Is this the same song they were playing before?" "Nah, the last song went, 'Raaarr YAAAAAAAHHHH raaaarrrr!'." I'm sure Mudvayne kicks ass if you can understand any of the words, or something. The highlight of their set: The band leader, between songs, said inspirational things like, "Nobody's gonna fucking tell you to go to fucking school here, man!" I'm so glad. I was worried there would be homework.
The rain and lightning stopped in time for the second band, the Deftones. Once again, we didn't understand any of the words, but I actually recognized a few of their songs, and I'm sure I liked a few of them! Kelly had to take me at my word, though. Thus far, it hasn't been the greatest concert ever, but it really was funner than I'm making it sound. At the very least, it was LOUD. Very, very loud. Which is always fun. And real fun was soon on the way...
The next band up: Linkin Park. NOW we're talking. They had a funky looking set, with all sorts of projections for the singers to climb on and jump around on, which they would. And who started things off but... MISTER HAN! Woohoo! Mister Han rules! Plus, he was wearing Hulk Hands! If you've never seen these things, they kick ass! Here's a review of these wonders of nature: http://www.x-entertainment.com/articles/0748/
I've gotta get me a pair of those... *ahem* Anyways, then they all came on stage and started kicking ass. Most of the set was from Meteora, so I didn't know ALL of the songs, but I knew a lot of them, and let me tell you, concerts become a lot more fun when you KNOW THE WORDS. It's like a really big Karaoke night! Woohoo! And, for whatever reason, from Linkin Park on, the words were actually understandable. I was worried that all the singing would be unintelligible all night, but nope, guess it's just Mudvayne and the Deftones. Something that surprised me about Linkin Park is that, in between sets, they SWORE. A lot! Considering that they never swear in any of their songs, I wasn't expecting it. I wonder how many parents take their kids to those "nice, wholesome boys Linkin Park" and get a little surprise...
Oh, between sets, there's always some localized cheering in the audience, but we never figured out what they were cheering about. Finally, after Linkin Park was done, our guess was confirmed: flashing! We saw boobies! Very sporadic, though... the big payday for that would come later.
Next up: Limp Bizkit. I must confess, I'm not the biggest Limp Bizkit fan. However, I was pleasantly surprised. They kicked quite a lot of ass. I didn't know the words to a lot of their songs (except for the obvious "Nookie" and "My way"), but it was still a lot of fun. And the crowd liked them a lot more then they did Linkin Park (buncha haters...). They did a cover of Sanitarium, which was pretty damn cool, and they did a lot of Metallica-asskissing on top of that. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it was pretty shameless. The highlight of their set was when Fred went out into the crowd and sang some slow song or other that I didn't recognize. I will say this: Fred Durst knows how to work a crowd. Also, he got some women to flash their titties for the cameras, which was nice. And, finally, the pyrotechnics were pretty damn cool. I thought, "I wonder if Metallica will top those fireworks?" Little did I know...
The delay between LB and Metallica coming on was LOOOONG. LB's set ended around 7:40ish and Metallica didn't come on until 9. Still, the delay had its moments, as women were flashing EVERYWHERE. It was pretty impressive. Unfortunately, no one in my section was, so I never got a real closeup. Ah, well. That's what online porn is for, n'est pas?
Finally, at nine, Metallica! I must say, that their set ALONE was WELL worth the money. They're one of my all-time faves, so I knew pretty much all the words, and so did the entire audience, so it was lots o' fun shouting along to their songs. They knew how to please a crowd, too, as most of their songs were OLD. Blackened, Battery, Puppets, Horseman, Creeping Death... lots of joy. A few songs were played off the Black Album, of course, and they did play "Fuel" from Reload... the only song they played off those two albums. I'd never been to a concert, though, so I had to kinda learn what to shout along to what. Gladly, most of the chants were "HEY!", so the learning curve wasn't steep. (Except for Creeping Death, which was "DIE!" I knew that one already, though.)
It was dark when they started, so they had all KINDS of pyro. Fire (LOTS of it for Blackened), fireworks, strobes, cool stuff on the video screens... it was fantastic. And when they started to play stuff off the new album, we were pleasantly surprised. The new songs aren't their greatest, but they're AWESOME in concert. At least, Frantic and St. Anger (the two new ones they played) kicked ass. Then, it ended... or so none of us thought. It'd only been an hour, and they hadn't played One yet! So, chants of "One! One!" begin.
Then, the downside of the concert... Kelly leans over and says, "This guy's REALLY pissing me off. Switch places with me." So, I did, and this black drunk guy (I mean falling over drunk) started patting me and babbling about how he's sorry if she got mad, and can't we all just get along. It didn't take him long to piss me off either. So, I basically ignored him, and it only took a few terse comments for him to get the hint. Later, Kelly informed me that he was pretty much pawing her all over. Lovely. Why would someone get so friggin' drunk at a concert? "Man, the concert must have kicked ass! Not that I remember..."
ANYWAYS, Metallica came back for an encore, and played more good songs. I don't remember the exact playlist (I remember the songs, but not what order), except that they ended again without having played One. So, the chanting resumes. And the drunk guy leaves! Yay! I wonder if us saying, "Man, what a great concert! Let's wait a bit before leaving" psyched him out. Actually, though, a LOT of people left. Dumbasses...
Of course, a few minutes later, what happens but they play One. Man, that song kicks ass! Especially live! Man oh man! It started off with LOTS of pyro, mimicking explosions and the like. Those speakers were producing some pretty convincing gunfire sounds, too. The song itself ruled, naturally. They were playing the video behind them, which was cool. That's one disturbing video. And, of course, strobes during the "money" part of the song.
Perhaps the highlight of the night, at least for us, was when... well, perhaps a bit of backstory. Long ago, in this galaxy, Kelly and I were talking about Metallica, and she confused Lars (the drummer) for a guitarist. Or something. All I know is since then, a running joke between us has been, "Man, that Lars sucks! He can't play guitar at all!" So, what happens? Lars and Kirk Hammet (the guitarist) swap places, and play the first bit of Enter Sandman! We were DYING! Oh, how'd they know?
Naturally, they then played Enter Sandman, which ruled, of course. I'm PRETTY sure they ended the night with that... can't remember. Teach me to wait more than a week before giving my review. We split after that... they made a curtain call, but the only ones to really get anything out of that were the moshers. Next time, we're gonna have to go down in the pit.
In closing, it KICKED ASS. Way beyond my (high) expectations.
|Thursday, July 17th, 2003|
|As heard on the radio...
In a father-daughter talk.
"Daddy, how do they teach circus bears to ride bicycles?"
"Well, sweetheart, they nail their feet to the pedals and beat the shit out of them."
Ahhh, humor at its finest. In other news, Thai food REALLY kicks ass.
|Monday, July 14th, 2003|
|Malls of the Damned
My keen senses and amazing brain have led me to the conclusion that the previously posted site is, indeed, a parody.
Malls Of The Damned
If Secular Consumerism is the new false religion, then its temple is the Shopping Mall. This is where those deluded into Secular Consumerism go and unwittingly take part in anti-Christian activities; this is where the Santamas propaganda and indoctrination are distributed; this is where the moral foundation of our society is being attacked; and this is where we as Christians must go to battle for the souls of the unsaved against the forces of Secularism.
"But surely malls are just places of commerce, not deliberate attempts to lead people away from Christ," you may be thinking to yourself. Unfortunately the facts point to the malls' knowing complicity with the cause of anti-Christian Secularism. Besides the complete lack of Christian references in their so-called Christmas displays and decorations (just try and find a Cross or depiction of the Baby Jesus amongst all the Santas and snowmen and shiny balls), more subtle subconscious suggestions of Secularism's anti-Christian stance can be found by studying the names of common mall stores:
J.C. Penny - The J.C. makes us think of Jesus Christ, thus associating our Lord with the lowest monetary value, the penny (even Judas valued Him at 30 pieces of silver!).
Sears - What the flesh of the damned does in Hell. It also sounds like "seers", Pagan mystics who engaged in occult premonitions.
Cinnabon - Sounds like "Sin Upon".
Orange Julius - Named for the Pagan Emperor of Rome. This company's mascot was once a devil, until they changed it to hide their true intentions.
Hot Topic - A recent store aimed at children that openly sells devil paraphernalia. Any guess as to why "hot" is in their name?
Hallmark Gold Crown Stores - Purveyors of Santamas tree ornaments depicting anthropomorphized woodland creatures (reference to Evolutionism) and Harry Potter merchandise. What notable person will have a mark and wear crowns? [Rev. 13:16, 13:1]
This site is HYSTERICAL! I'm guessing it HAS to be a joke (it even mentions Landover Baptist!)... if it isn't, add "scary" as well, but man.http://objective.jesussave.us/
"If you find an atheist in your neighborhood,
TELL A PARENT OR PASTOR RIGHT AWAY!
"You may be moved to try and witness to these poor lost souls yourself, however AVOID TALKING TO THEM!
Atheists are often very grumpy and bitter and will lash out at children or they may even try to trick you into neglecting God's Word.
"Very advanced witnessing techniques are needed for these grouches. Let the adults handle them."
|Saturday, July 12th, 2003|
No double post. Nothing to see here. Move along. Current Mood: aggravated
|Thursday, July 10th, 2003|
|How easily amused am I?!?
I'm watching Conan O'Brian, and they have President Bush as a guest. (It's amazing how they continually get such amazing scoops!) Conan asks Bush how his trip to Africa is going...
Bush: "It's amazing, Conan. Everywhere I go, I'm amazed at the number of African Americans I see! They're everywhere here!"
Conan: "Sir, you're in Africa. Those are Africans."
Bush: "Is that what they want to be called now? This P.C. stuff is so confusing!"
I'm pretty sure this qualifies as "you had to be there", but it was funny, God damn it. Trust me.
|Friday, July 4th, 2003|
|Thursday, July 3rd, 2003|
|Place your bets, ladies and gentleman, place your bets...
I'm watching the Twilight Zone marathon on Sci-Fi, and I just saw my personal favorite, the one where the gangster Henry Frances Valentine, THINKS he goes to heaven, but first impressions can be deceiving...
"I thought this was only for schoolteachers and folks like dem."
"Hooo hooo, we have SOME schoolteachers here, yes..."
Ahh, it cracks me up. I love the Twilight Zone. The OLD black and white ones, that is. It's amazing how much worse all the later ones managed to be.
"'Age of six, slaughters dog.' Yeah, well why not, he bit me!"
And, of course, my favorite quote...
"Just between you and me, Fats, I don't think I belong here... I don't think I FIT IN... Look, I don't belong in heaven, see. I wanna go to the other place."
"Whatever gave you the idea you were in HEAVEN, Mr. Valentine? This IS the 'other place'!!!"
Another exciting update from yours truly.